The Power of Porn: A SWer's Journey from Watching to Making Porn

I’ve been watching a lot of porn lately. It usually goes in phases like that, where your hormones are fuming and you’re having “me” time three times a day, and then suddenly you haven’t thought about sex in three months and you forget it was even a concept. At least that’s how my sex drive works. 

My recent horniness got me thinking though, about the impact of porn, and the journey of discovering porn that everyone inevitably takes in their life, whether it’s at a young age or old. When I was younger, I never thought about porn, and much like tampons, it gave me anxiety until I really started having sex. Only then did I realize if I could handle the girth of my first partners’ penis, I could handle having a (in comparison) tiny wad of cotton chilling up there for a couple of hours. 

When I had my first honest discussion about my thoughts on porn with my college best friend, only then did I realize what it really was I didn’t like about it. I told her that I thought porn was much too aggressive and graphic. The visual of a penis entering a vagina wasn’t what turned me on, it was the feeling of it, and the intimacy of it. I never had a telescope to my eye, inspecting exactly what was happening with my vagine during sex, so why would I do that to other people having sex? Also, I never found any of the male porn stars attractive. She suggested I try watching girl-on-girl porn, considering it was typically less aggressive and it might ease me into trying other things. That night I skipped through probably twenty-something “lesbian” porn videos until finally, in relieving solace, I found one that worked for me. 

Now after watching porn for years, knowing what I like, what to look for, what gets me off. However, I still experiment here and there, seeing if there’s anything new I might be into. When I experiment, or go outside my usual search tabs, it makes me realize how helpful and healthy porn is for the sexual experience. It makes me think about all the young women who go into their first sexual encounters thinking that their partner is going to fuck them, it’s going to feel good, and they’re going to cum, only to realize that’s obviously not the case. I think about all the young people who go into their first sexual encounters with shame or guilt, usually associated with upbringing or religion. I realized porn is like Google for sex, and if you have a question, it can be answered. If you have a fantasy, it can be satisfied, and if you’re simply confused, you can find other people who are apparently as “confused” as you are.

I grew up not aggressively religious, but I went to church, and it was implied to remain a virgin until marriage, and to only have sex with the person you were going to spend the rest of your life with. I took that as a nice suggestion, but I always thought in the back of my mind, if you haven’t tried on the shoe, don’t buy it. However, I also thought, if you don’t trust the horse, don’t ride it, and I still saved my first “real” sexual experiences for someone I loved and trusted. I think you can guess I didn’t marry this person, but my naked ring finger wasn’t complaining about the puddles left on my sheets. 

Only after losing my virginity, did I really begin watching porn. Only after becoming a sex worker, did I really begin exploring my sexuality, and understanding that it’s not always  important to completely understand what you like or need in sex. Sex work was a world where all the layers are stripped, and people are allowed to say exactly what they want without shame and without fear of judgement. I met one of my best friends through having a threesome, and we’ve had sex many times since. I’ve had sex with most of my best friends and I think of none of them in a romantic way. And now, I make porn with my friends.

Porn became most enticing to me when I started making it. The platform for adult content and erotica has adapted and evolved in so many ways that make it accessible to a much broader audience. It’s made a huge turn from adhering to primarily hetero fantasies, to adjusting the lense towards queer womxn, men and non-binary folks. The most recent development is the increase in the interest of home-made porn. Of course this can be largely linked to the current social distancing order imposed across the country and globe, but this isn’t a brand new concept. People have been sending their cell phone camera nudes since the turn of the century and before that, the invention of the webcam changed the game for all of us introverted hoes and horn dogs. But as platforms like OnlyFans and Chaturbate and the many other live streaming camming sites flourish, it’s obvious that a fantasy for most is simply to see what the “girl next door” is doing after she closes the blinds. For some of us it’s to see how creative our fluid friends are getting with erotica, or for others it’s to be able to message your favorite porn star personally and tell them just how much you’ve truly enjoyed their performance. It’s exciting to let them know you’re watching.  

As a stripper, customers constantly asked me “What’s your biggest fantasy?” and every time I thought to myself “I have no fucking clue.” I mean of course given the circumstances I would make up some bullshit scenario that I hope would involve walking them straight to the ATM, but sometimes I try hard to think about it. What is my fantasy? What I like and want changes constantly. I used to change my Tinder setting from men to women every other week, even though I typically neglected to follow through with meeting anyone, regardless of gender. The mere idea of sex with a new partner could become more exhausting by the moment. Even now, sometimes all I want is to be a pillow princess with my boyfriends’ head between my legs and sometimes I just want him to choke me until I actually fear for my life. I’ve learned your fantasy can adapt to new partners, new mindsets, and new surroundings. Now, I get to ask people what their fantasies are, and satisfy it in digital form.

It’s okay to not have a fantasy, or a “type” or a favorite position, or even a sexual preference. It’s okay if some weeks, you don’t even like sex. If you’re a sex worker, sometimes your fantasy is to not be the fantasy. Maybe your fantasy is to have someone build your nightstand, or bring you pad thai at 1 AM. Maybe your fantasy is sweet, passionate love making till the sun comes up. Whatever it is, don’t be afraid to Google. Don’t be afraid to talk to your friends, or your partner, about porn. Don’t be afraid to watch more porn, even if your version of porn is corny romantic comedies. As a sex worker who makes and sells porn, with a true appreciation for my fellow sex workers that create porn, all I can say is they (we) are here to help you. As most artists say, “If I can touch one person with my work, that is enough for me.” Porn artists are no different. So let us touch you, while they touch each other. 

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